You may think you’re a pretty self-aware person. About 95 percent of people do, says Tasha Eurich, PhD , a Denver-based organizational psychologist who has spent the last decade researching self-awareness. But in reality, only about 10 to 15 percent of people meet the criteria that some psychologists have outlined for being truly self-aware.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e5976293bbb35bd-37eb-4f75-8cba-eeebe89282a7 “Almost everyone overestimates their self-awareness,” Eurich says. Most people don’t see themselves as clearly as they could because they don’t realize self-awareness is a skill that needs to be developed. And this means that for most people, it’s likely helpful to start with a baseline assumption that even if you do have some self-awareness, you can probably do better, she says.
What Is Self-Awareness? Definition According to the American Psychological Association, self-awareness is defined simply as self-focused attention or knowledge.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e597629e509eec5-df32-42bb-9ca6-cf9464454c3f Eurich proposes a slightly more expanded definition in her book Insight (which explores the connection between self-awareness and success): “Self-awareness is the will and the skill to understand who we are and how other people see us,” she says. It involves consciously recognizing our own thoughts, emotions, values, biases, and behaviors, and the effects these have on ourselves and others.
Types and Examples of Self-Awareness Examples There are two main types of self-awareness: internal and external.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e597629769f8033-8b81-4353-a9e3-789255a3392e And while both are important, Eurich says, they’re also totally independent of one another. “There’s zero correlation between internal and external self-awareness,” she says. “Just because we know who we are on the inside doesn’t mean we know how to read a room or understand how we’re impacting the people around us.” Internal Self-Awareness Internal self-awareness, sometimes called private self-awareness, involves understanding your internal state, says Brittany Algee, advanced practice registered nurse, a board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner at OSF HealthCare in Urbana, Illinois. “An example would be an individual being able to recognize that a difficult interaction made them angry and being cognizant of why.” With this kind of private self-awareness, you’re often clued into aspects of yourself that others couldn’t know or observe, says Brooke Schwartz, LCSW , founder and clinical director of Sawtelle Psychotherapy Group in Los Angeles. You’re able to recognize situations that are emotionally triggering for you, identify the specific emotion you’re feeling (such as embarrassed or panicked rather than just “upset”), and respond in a way that aligns with your values, rather than having a knee-jerk reaction — or at least recognizing what factors within you led to a reflexive response. “For example, private self-awareness may mean noticing your stomach drop when you’re asked a question you don’t know the answer to in an important work meeting, or feeling your face flush when you’re embarrassed,” Schwartz says. Another example of being self-aware is recognizing when you’re feeling overwhelmed by a situation or task, and practicing stress-management techniques that you know work well for you, like taking a break, going for a walk, or asking for help. External Self-Awareness Public or external self-awareness refers to having insight into how others see you based on how you present or represent yourself. “Consider the last time you rolled your eyes while in the presence of at least one other person,” Schwartz says. “Regardless of whether you thought ‘Oops! I hope they didn’t notice that,’ or ‘I hope they saw me so they get the message,’ simply noticing that you engaged in this behavior and communicated a message to others is the practice of public self-awareness.” Or, let’s say you’re an introvert who is uncomfortable in social settings. External self-awareness is recognizing how your behavior in these situations affects how others view you, Algee says.
Signs That You’re Self Aware (or Not) Signs You’re Self-Aware Because many of us overestimate our self-awareness, getting to know some signs of how self-aware you are can be helpful in evaluating your current state. Signs of Self-Awareness Self-awareness can look different in different situations, but below are a few general signs of greater self-awareness:e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e5976297cedf4fc-bf22-4158-87bb-b5a09c884ec0 Being able to recognize personal triggers and stress responses (or being able to connect your emotions about a triggering event with the resulting symptoms or behavior), such as getting cut off in traffic causing you to drive more aggressively, or a bad review at work causing you to feel anxious or have trouble sleeping Demonstrating emotional regulation and empathy (for instance, pausing before replying to a frustrating email instead of immediately writing an angry reply) Reflecting on your emotions and behaviors after certain interactions Making intentional efforts to grow professionally and personally Accepting feedback from others without defensiveness Broadly, being able to identify and name your emotions and quantify or qualify their intensity is a sign of self-awareness.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e5976292abb44be-7a23-40ad-ab10-009ea0729dce “This may look like having thoughts or making statements like, ‘Wow, I’m feeling really anxious today,’ or ‘I’m much more nervous today than I was yesterday,’” Schwartz says. Signs You’re Not Self-Aware These signs may signal a lack of self-awareness:e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e5976297cedf4fc-bf22-4158-87bb-b5a09c884ec0 Emotional reactivity, such as becoming extremely and persistently sad or angry after receiving criticism Burnout without insight into its causes Frequent interpersonal conflict or miscommunication (such as with coworkers, friends, or family) Difficulty recognizing one’s contribution to negative outcomes Resistance to feedback or supervision “You may struggle with self-awareness if you frequently disregard feedback or your first line response to it is defense,” Schwartz says. “For example, if a loved one tells you that you hurt their feelings and the first thing you say starts with ‘But,’ or ‘I was just,’ you may be skipping a self-reflection step that helps improve your self-awareness.” Being self-aware in that situation would mean engaging in a respectful conversation to better understand how your actions affected your loved one and how you might avoid hurting their feelings in the future. In this way, struggling with self-awareness can present as difficulty validating others, taking accountability, or apologizing. Another clear sign you’re less self-aware is when you keep finding yourself in the same situations and can’t quite see how you got there, says Edward Vilga , a New York City–based personal coach, yoga instructor, and the cofounder and Chief Wellness Officer for VWell. “True self-awareness begins when you shift that question from ‘Why does this keep happening to me?’ to ‘What am I doing to keep recreating this?’” he adds.
How Self-Awareness Can Affect Your Health Health Effects Self-awareness is linked to a bevy of mental health benefits. “People who are self-aware are more in control of their lives,” Eurich says. That’s because self-awareness helps you more clearly understand who you are and what you want, which allows you to act in accordance with your desires and values.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e597629f82f2572-efdd-400d-af8e-d155fe8379c7 Self-awareness also supports emotional balance and resilience because it helps you recognize the early signs of stress.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e59762917be27ef-3d73-42c2-9626-cfb3ae2da69c “This allows for timely self-care, appropriate boundary setting, and better emotional regulation,” Algee says. As a result, self-aware folks tend to be less anxious, depressed, and stressed, Eurich says.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e59762917be27ef-3d73-42c2-9626-cfb3ae2da69c People with this skill also tend to be more connected to other people because self-awareness allows you to communicate your preferences and values to others more clearly and support others in doing so. Being more self-aware may also encourage you to engage in more meaningful social activities that align with your values. For instance, research has shown that people who find their lives most fulfilling tend to have strong relationships and spend time pursuing personal goals.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e597629f82f2572-efdd-400d-af8e-d155fe8379c7 On the other hand, a lack of self-awareness or disconnection from your emotions and values can lead to chronic stress and emotional exhaustion, Algee says. If you’re not aware of your emotions and what triggers them, you’re unlikely to be able to effectively manage them, putting you at higher risk for emotional burnout.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e5976296e8eb751-eb82-4dfd-9013-c3453a6a46b7 And this can indirectly lead to effects on your physical health. “Failure to recognize one’s own emotional overload may result in it manifesting as irritability, sleep disturbances, or even somatic symptoms such as headaches and muscle tension,” she says. You may feel emotionally worn out.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e5976297ea05467-d6d6-4350-a893-c692dc015d92
5 Tips for Becoming More Self-Aware How to Get Better at It There’s a common misconception that self-awareness is the same as self-criticism or self- consciousness, Algee says. But actually, self-awareness is about objective observation and understanding oneself without judgment. Schwartz gives this example: “Consider the self-aware thought, ‘I notice I tend to talk when I feel uncomfortable in silence and I wonder how this impacts those around me,’ compared to the self-conscious thought, ‘I talk too much and I know everyone thinks it’s annoying.’” With that distinction in mind, here are expert-backed tips to help you become more self-aware. 1. Do an End-of-Day Check-In Sometime during your evening routine, Eurich says, take a few minutes to ask yourself these three questions about your day: What went well, what didn’t go so well, and how can I be smarter tomorrow? Answering these questions can help you connect with your emotions and behaviors while uncovering practical insights for the future. The beauty in this approach, Eurich adds, is that it takes just a few minutes a day. It doesn’t require you to analyze your childhood experiences or undergo hours of therapy. 2. Try Journaling “Self-awareness is built into the journaling practice — it’s the natural by-product of pausing to write things down,” Vilga says. “Once thoughts are on the page, patterns and connections become visible that weren’t before,” he adds. “It helps us sort out the messiness of life and see what’s really unfolding.” There are many ways to journal, from free writing to using prompts to writing down lists, but the real magic happens in consistency. “The more you engage with your own thoughts, the clearer — and more self-aware — you become,” Vilga says.
3. Practice Mindfulness Mindfulness is the practice of observing your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the current moment without judgment and without immediately and thoughtlessly reacting to them.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e59762904823c0e-571a-4ac7-8c35-849b356c2a4e It’s a kind of meditation that research has linked to lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.e60dc2a1-f33c-4a05-9b50-8e3e8e5976291ef0c5bb-9717-4281-aabb-042c4d2e89b7 You can practice mindfulness in many ways. For example, when you’re eating, take the time to smell, taste, and savor your food without distraction. Or go for a walk and notice what your body feels like as well as what you feel, see, and hear around you. “These practices can help the individual be present in the moment and become more aware of their emotions,” Algee says. 4. Ask Yourself: ‘What’s This Really About?’ This simple question can help you identify the primary emotion hiding underneath a secondary one. “For example, if you have road rage — you’re furious at the car in front of you — and you ask yourself ‘What’s this really about?’ you may discover that you’re so anxious that you’ll get in trouble with your boss for being late on your first day of a new job, and it’s showing up as road rage,” Schwartz says. In this case, anxiety is the primary emotion and anger is secondary. “Having the self-awareness to understand what you’re really feeling can help you identify what you need, what you’ll do next, and what’s important to you,” Schwartz adds. 5. Work With a Mental Health Professional Working with a therapist or mental health professional is a great way to build self-awareness for several reasons, Schwartz says. “These professionals regularly use reflection strategies like paraphrasing and validating, which essentially hold a mirror up for the client to look into,” she says. “Therapists also often provide feedback and observations that, if you have the willingness to receive them, can model the process of awareness for clients and develop into self-awareness if practiced outside of therapy.”
The Takeaway Self-awareness is the ability and desire to understand both who we are and how other people perceive us. There are two types of self-awareness: internal, which involves understanding your own thoughts and emotions, and external, which involves understanding how other people see you and are affected by you. Self-awareness is linked to a host of benefits, including lower levels of anxiety, stress, and depression, and higher levels of agency and overall wellbeing. It’s possible to become more self-aware over time. Expert-backed tactics include daily check-ins, journaling, practicing mindfulness, and working with a mental health professional.
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